Finding the Light
by angels death
Summary: Buffy feels that something is wrong, she and Dawn head to LA. BA CD. previously Thoughts of Souls. being rewritten, see authors page.
1. Thoughts of Souls

Thoughts of Souls

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except some books and shinny stuff. And you can't have those! But really Joss owns both Buffy and Angel. I just steal them and make them do what I want.

Pairing: If you have to ask you should just leave now.

Destitution: If anyone actually wants it, they can have it. Just let me know.

Rating: I don't know, G I guess, PG if anything.

Spoilers: everything just to be safe. But the timeline is BtVS s/7 AtS s/4

Summary: Buffy can't feel Angel anymore. She and Dawn head to LA to find out why.

Notes: This was inspired by a fic by DragonKatGal called Splitting of Souls. It is one of me favorite fics ever, and I love a lot of fics. It doesn't really fit with her fic, but still I dedicate this to her. This is my first posted fic, and any and all feedback would be loved and appreciated.

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"It toke me a while but I finally figured something out. We are soulmates and always will be. Do you know how I thought of this? Do you want to? Well it all started when he lost his soul on my 17th birthday. You see I know now that I didn't realize he was different because he was still with me. His soul that is. Now no questions it will all make sense in time.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, so I didn't feel him leave cause he was in a sense still with me. His soul stayed by me always, because he knew I was dying without him, he tried to stay near me. But I didn't know that, and so I didn't know why I still felt Angel near when Angelus was here.

"But I felt it when I killed him. Because his soul was dragged to hell with his body. So that is why I broke down, because his soul wasn't there all the time to help me believe that everything was going to be ok, or to comfort me. For the next few months I tried to live without him, and without any of my friends to support me. But I'm weak and moved back home after three.

"Do you know something else I now know, the powers gave him back to me because I said goodbye. Now don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy! Really I'm telling you the truth! I showed that I would live without him if I had to and so they gave him back to me. They said it was a selfless act, or some such thing.

"All I knew at the time though was that I was whole again, and I missed that feeling more than anything else in the world. But that's really beside the point, so he comes back and I'm finally whole again. But then what does he do? He leaves me! For 'my own good', I mean really how does he know what's best for me? The only reason I didn't die then was because he was at least still alive, and I knew he would come back to me eventually. At least I hoped he would. So I stayed in Sunnyhell because of him, and I had boyfriends because of him. But I never moved on, never.

"The next time his soul was in jeopardy it was because someone slipped him a happy pill. I was informed the next day that he was chained up in his room, at which point I told Cordelia that it had probably worn off and he was fine. To which she replied," oh I know he's fine. But he will stay that way for an hour more, just so he knows not to get too happy again." I laughed when she said that.

"When I died would have been his turn to not feel my soul, except for the fact that I wasn't sucked into another dimension, I was just dead. So he didn't feel me leave, and I know he was scared because of that. He didn't know that I had stayed to be with him, I went to heaven first, but I couldn't stay away for long. So he didn't go through the same pain that I did. While I was in heave, The Powers That Be decided that I should know a few things.

"One being how Angel came back to me years ago, which is how I now know. Also they thought it would be nice if I could understand him better, so I 'got' to watch his whole life. And I mean WHOLE. I don't really mind though it helped me, and it was then that I saw his soul stay with me. Thinking about it now I realize that we both did that, he stayed when he lost his soul, and I was with him now. To put it simply if he were to loose his soul with prefect happiness I wouldn't really know. But if something else happened, say his soul was dragged to Hell, I would know.

"And now I don't feel his soul near me, and I don't know what to think. Is he in Hell? Or did something happen with his soul? I don't know, but I do know how I can find out. I'm going to LA."

I looked at her expecting an exclamation or something big, like yelling. But she just looked at me in understanding, and smiled, "So how long will it take to get there?"

My nervousness melted away to show fear and worry, but also love and appreciation. I gave me a small smile and said, "In about half an hour."

And we both settled in for the drive, but I knew that this trip was going to change everything for us. And I smiled.

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If anyone wants more or this isn't making any sense review. And I might write more sooner. Kat 


	2. Explanations and Confusion

Explanations and Confusion

Disclaimer in first chapter. In case you don't know I redid the first chapter, I hope it makes more sense now.

IMPORTANT READ THIS! Switches between Buffy's POV and Dawn's. Ok for this to work things have changed. I wrote this without really watching to ep before hand, so I know that it won't work with how it really happens. But this is AU, as in my universe not Joss's. Anyway, let's pretend that they just toke his soul out and that no one has gone down yet. Also that everyone is not in the main area at the moment. Cordy's in her room, Connor's out hunting, and Wes is in the office with Lorn, Fred, and Gunn. Oh and Cordy and Connor never were together, cause that's just sick and wrong. Enjoy!

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Buffy's POV

I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I just took off; I just told Dawn to pack and told Will that I had to do something. I told her that I had to go and that I would call her when I knew what was up. I know that she wanted to come too, but I can't deal with her right now, just Dawn. This was going to be just her and me time, I've been neglecting her recently. I know that and I know that she wants to be helpful, and that she feels like I don't know that. That I don't understand or care, but I do. More than she can ever know.

I think she knows what's going on, or at least she's waiting for me to tell her. But she knows that it is important, and that I need a little space right now. However I think she also knows what this little trip is about, or who. Sometimes it's like she can read me like a book, and yet at others it's like she doesn't know me at all. I'm glad that this is one of her understanding times, cause I don't think I can explain anything right now.

It's been a little under an hour since we left Sunnydale, and I think I should start explaining. So I tell her everything, about when I was in heaven and about my theory on Angel and me. And I think she understands, and that she will support me in this and in what we will face when we get home. Giles will be very upset with me for this one. But that's then, now we have to deal with what's going on here in LA.

Dawn's POV

After Buffy spilled on what's been going on with her, I understand her better than I ever have. I know why she was such a wreck when she came back; well I mean I understand more. Cause I already knew the basics to that one, but I don't think that even Spike knew about her connection to Angel. Or maybe he did and that's why he did what he did last year. I don't want to know either way. But I'm worried, if Angel is gone when we get there I think she's going to break. And I don't know if anyone will be able to put her together after this one. But then again what if he's not gone gone, but only gone. As in what if he's Angelus again. I know for a fact that she won't be able to kill him, it was hard enough before, but now she knows that she can be with him someday. And suddenly we stop.

"Well, we're here."

I look around and see a giant hotel, well not really giant but I've been in a small house with lots of other people recently. So this is giant. And I'm rambling in my mind!

"Wow! This is huge, how many people live here?" I spoke before I could think and realize I what I just said sounds stupid, of course Angel would have a big place. He doesn't get out much in the day.

Buffy answers smiling, "Yeah can you just imagine if we had this much room? It would be like the girls were hardly there!"

I laugh at that, and realize that we are still in the car. I look over at Buffy and see that she must have realized this too.

"So are we going in, or do you think they will come to us?" I ask jokingly. And it works, she laughs for the first time in months. I smile and grab her hand, "It's going to be fine sis. I just know it!"

Smiling she nods her head and opens her door, I follow suit. And soon we are both out and standing in front of the doors. I look at her questionably. She smiles at my silent question, and grabs the handle. Soon we are standing in the middle of a beautiful atrium; I look around in wonder as Buffy looks for someone to talk to. As if her silent call had been heard someone steps out of the office. The movement catches both Buffy's and my attention. But what was the real shock, for me at least, was who it was.

"Wesley?" I ask in bewilderment. I look over at Buffy, but she is just looking at him with interest. I guess he joined Angel before she died. Otherwise she would be as confuse as I am.

My call had startled him, and he whirled around to stare at us in wonder. Then someone else comes out of the office he was just in, three someone's actually. But the green one motions to them to stay where they are.

"What are you two doing here?" He asked.

"Simple. I can't feel him, so what is it? Is he in hell?" Buffy asked rather calmly, considering she was close to tears mere minutes ago. But I realize that Wes might be a bit confused by her crypticness.

Buffy's POV

He looks confused. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's fine and I just can't feel him anymore. But that thought makes me feel worse than thinking he's in some hell dimension. I'm so lost in thought that if Dawn hadn't been here, I would never get him to understand me.

"She means that she knows that something is wrong with Angel. We came to find out what it is." Dawn says in an understanding voice. If it's for my benefit or for Wesley's I don't know, but it doesn't matter. Her voice woke me from my thoughts and I can try to explain everything a lot better if I'm not lost in my mind.

Wesley looks like he understands now; I am soo glad I brought Dawn with me. He motions us to come and sit. We do and wait for him to explain.

"Well, it is quit a shock to see you here. But you have come at an interesting time; we are in the middle of another apocalypse. The one causing havoc has been wiped from any and all books. But we knew that at one point Angelus had met him, so we hoped that we could ask him."

"Wait, wait." I interrupted, "are you saying that you removed his soul?"

He looks embarrassed, "Yes, we did. But it was done magically. He was in a cage, and we had a shaman perform a ritual that made Angel experience a moment of perfect happiness. Everything was thought of before hand."

I stare at him, "If you covered all these so called bases, then why didn't you call me? I knew when he left, what if I had been in a fight? I could of been killed!" I'm mad, and I know that I shouldn't yell at him. But jeez he could have killed me! If

Dawn hadn't grabbed onto my arm while I was yell at him, I would probably be shaking him instead of just glaring.

Oh well, but now I feel like I need to hit something, or someone.

It's after dark, I look over at Dawn. "Do you want to come?" is all I say and she knows what I meant. Nodding she goes over to our bags, left on the stair, and grabs my slay bag.

Without a backwards glance I turn and start to leave. "We'll be back in 2 hours, give or take. I'll tell you everything I know then, and I'll do all that I can to help with your beast." Then I leave, I know that Dawn will say a bit more and then she'll join me. I have a lot of steam to let off.

Dawn's POV

I stay there looking at Wesley for a second; I glance over to the others in the room. They are going to want an explanation and I don't know if Buffy can do that yet, but as I think this the demon smiles at me and I know that he'll understand no matter what.

Looking back at Wesley again I say. "She's not mad at you really. We just have a lot going on at home, and she was really worried that he had left her again. We'll be back soon, and then you and she can sit down and talk everything out."

I turn to leave but his voice stops me, "How did she know?"

I look at him confused, "You mean about Angel? She always knows."

He shakes his head, "No, that it's called the Beast."

I understand now and smile at him, "She didn't." and with that I join my sister.

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Well, I wrote more! It could probably be a little bit better, but I wanted to put this out for those of you that are reading this. Thanks to all of you who are reading, and for the few who have reviewed. You are why I wrote more! If you want me to go on, you just need to push that little button at the bottom left side of the screen. Oh come on it's not that hard! Please? Bye all kat


	3. Thoughts and Confusions

Thoughts and Confusions

Disclaimer in first chapter. Dawn's POV. Enjoy!

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We've been out for almost an hour and still haven't talked about what happened with Wes. I know it's hard for her, but seeing her like this scares me. More than anything that we have faced before, even Glory.

This is what always scared me the most, when Buffy would hide her emotions and become the Slayer completely. I'm afraid that I will become like that if I live as long as she has, but in truth I know why she does it.

I remember when she first did it, when she fought Angelus and then killed the one person that she loved more than life. That was when she first hid her emotions, or her human side, from all of us. No one could break her facade, no one but Angel.

And he did when he came back, but when he left again she hid for months like that. Only coming out of it for me, and when school and her friends came she just adapted it. But she gets her worst when we patrol, or hunt as that is what it looks like. Because that is what we do, what she does, when she's upset.

However this doesn't bother me like it used to, I know now why she does it. It also helps me train, because she is so focused on the hunt that I can just watch her and learn from her.

I am learning a lot from her and I wish that other Slayers could learn from experienced Slayers, but they can't only Faith and I have really had the opportunity, oh and Kendra. But she was already trained by her watcher, I am so glade I have Buffy and Giles.

But back to my main thought, I just hope that I can remain unbroken and therefore keep my emotions intact. I hope that Buffy can make it though this without losing more of herself, she doesn't have much more she can lose.

Fifteen minutes go by before I break the silence; I know she will tell me what's on her mind. Even if it is just so she can be centered and have a clear mind when we, or she, goes to talk to Angelus.

"So…Wes looks good." I say nonchalantly.

She smiles softly, "Yeah, you should have seen him when Angel first met up with him. He looked so funny!" My brows furrowed and she explained it to me, I have to sit down so that I don't fall over with laughter.

"I would pay money to see that! I mean really? Leather?" After that I fall off my set in laughter, and Buffy soon joins me. We are unfortunately interrupted by a group of vamps. I tell ya, it's funny when they don't know you can kick their butts. But I guess when you have unending night you get a little cocky.

We start walking again, going farther still from the hotel that holds our worst fears. Soon we will head back, but first we need to actually talk. I have to help Buffy in any way I can before she goes back and cuts everyone off.

"So, who were those other people there? I've never seen any of them before, are they fighters too, or what?" I ask to help her stay with one thought, if I can keep her focused on something she won't think about Him too much.

"Huh, what?" she looks startled, which is why I spoke. She was lost in thought, of Him and what she was going to do. She knows that she can tell me anything, but sometimes it's hard to follow through.

Realizing what I said she answers with a slight smile, "No, only one of them is a fighter. The black man, Gunn, he was in a gang that fought vamps before he met Angel. The girl, Fred, was sucked into another dimension about 3 to 5 years back, I don't remember. But Angel saved her when Cordy got sucked in too; they were there when everything with Glory happened. It's why he wasn't there to help us; it's also why he blames my death on himself."

"So I saw Lorn in there. Did you know he was in Angel's 'team', and why didn't you tell me?"

"Yeah, I knew, sorry. I guess I forgot that I didn't mention it. They met years ago, Wes took Angel to sing for him. When Darla was driving him crazy."

"Darla? Wasn't that his sire's name? Didn't he kill her years ago?"

"Yeah, but Wolfram and Heart brought her back to life, as a human. She tortured him for a little while, then found out she was dieing again. A lot happened, but in the end Dru turned her right in front of Angel. He kinda broke down; in the end he slept with Darla and had an epiphany. After that he went back to his friends and got better, Darla left and I don't know what happened to her." As Buffy was telling me this she had on her Slayer face, and she spoke as if she were telling me about the weather.

I wish I could make her stop this, but she will come out of it in time, I know she will, she has to.

We keep walking and I know that we have more we have to talk about but I don't want to push her more than I have already. Everyone is going to break her with all of their questions, let alone what Angelus is going to do. I hope she can last as long as it seems they will need her.

Ten minutes pass before I try again, "Buffy, we really need to talk about what's going on."

She looks at me and for a moment I think she's already broken, but then her mask comes up and she nods.

"Yeah, we do. Let's sit here. It seems that with no sun the vamps don't stay in here." She gestures to a grave stone and then the whole graveyard.

We share a smile and sit. I fidget with a stake and look up at her. She is looking out at the graves with such a resigned look on her face. It's a look I know very well, it's the look she had right before she jumped off the tower.

Scared I grab her hand and squeeze it, "we'll get him back! You know that right?" She looks at me with a smile, I continue. "His soul is contained, that's why you can't feel him with you. But as soon as He talks they are going to put it back in, and then everything will be fine. Well… at least he will have his soul if nothing else."

She looks at me with a smile and her eyes show her appreciation with my words. She nods her head and says, "Yeah, I know he's coming back. But it's hard, to be here without feeling him with me, it's something I hope you never have to feel." She squeezes my hand and goes on. "Anyway, I'll be fine. I don't really know about everything going on right now though. I was only shown his life up to where I came back, not what would happen next. I don't know if something drastic or important has happened since then. But knowing us something happened and we will be taken completely be surprise. I just hope it's nothing that's really bad."

I nod in agreement, and sense something coming from the left. "Well it looks like some still come here, at least right now."

We stay as we are, hoping to surprise them. As they come closer I can tell how many there are, and smile realizing that they are so completely out numbered.

After taking out the vamps in the graveyard we start heading back to the hotel, you can only be prepared so much. As we get closer we see a guy walking the streets. It looks like he knows how to take care of himself, and I feel something. It's kinda like a vamp but not exactly. I don't know how to explain it; maybe I can ask Buffy about it later.

Some vamps try to come up behind us, and the boy looks like he's going to come fight them. I smile realizing that he probably thinks that we are just stupid girls out walking.

As he gets closer, I really look at him, he is breathtaking. I don't think I've seen someone so beautiful, besides Angel, before. I can tell that Buffy has spotted him, as she looks at him she has this really weird look on her face. She looks confused, and I can tell that she has been thrown off by him.

He is almost to us, as are the vamps, but both Buffy and I are distracted staring at him. Lucky for us, our instincts kick in and we dust them as soon as they are close enough.

The boy is staring at us now, and we are still staring at him. I'm the first one to come back, and I grab Buffy's arm to bring her back. I look at the boy and I have that feeling again. Only this time it's a little different, I feel tingly when he's near me. Something that is almost like what Buffy says she feels around Angel, kinda like a vamp but so different.

He realizes that he's staring and looks down, but he soon looks back up at us with a puzzled look. I can tell that he's shocked, but not about vamps. No, somehow I know he knows all about vampires. He's surprised that we know, and that we can kill them so easily. And now Buffy is saying something, and as she says it I know that we've just found that big change she missed.

"Do I know you?"

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Well there you all go. I wrote more, the most I've written yet actually. Oh, and make sure you read the first two chapters again. I went back again and changed them after I read through them and the script for 'Soulless'. I hope it stays with the actually plot some, but remember this is AU in the fact that I am writing it. I hope you all like this and if you review I might write more sooner. Please?


	4. More Explanations and Understandings

More Explanations and Understandings

Alright, disclaimer in first chapter but just incase I don't own them and never will, I'm too poor. Anyway, for the sake of my fic, I am changing more of Angel. It isn't that big though, just that when Angel was kicking Connor out he spoke more on Buffy. It could have happened; I mean he was delirious, so in this state he talked about Buffy and the fact that he still loves her. And make sure that you reread the other chapters; I change little things in them frequently. Okay, now that that's out of the way, this chapter is dedicated to my faithful reviewer, dalmatiangrl2. You are my inspiration! Enjoy

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**Back in the hotel.**

"So that was her?"

"Her who?" Wes asks.

"That girl, the blond. She's Angel's girl, right?" Gunn asked.

Chuckling, Lorn says, "Well that depends on who you ask. But yeah that's her." Looking at the door she left through he adds, "Doesn't look it does she."

Confused Fred asks, "Look what? I mean cause I think she looks beautiful and that Angel and her would look good together, but that wasn't what you were referring to was it?" she asks embarrassed by her rambling.

Smiling Lorn answers, "No, she looks like the perfect girl for Angel. What I meant was that she doesn't look like a Slayer. Or that she could have beaten Angelus five years ago, let alone sent him to hell."

"You mean to say that she, that little girl sent Angel to hell?" Gunn asks stunned.

"Well yes. She was 17 and beat Angelus, and then sent Angel to hell. From what I understand it was very traumatic, in fact she ran away for a couple mouths." Wes says in a very watcher esc manner.

That time in his life was very confusing and was when everything he knew changed. He wasn't sure if he was the right person to explain Buffy to the rest of the group, past what he and Cordy had acted out after Buffy was brought back.

He knew that Lorn would understand more than any of them, I mean if he hadn't picked up on it when Angel sang for him then he was blind. _Well I had best get ready for when they get back, I wonder if they know about Connor._

**In the streets of LA**

"Do I know you?"

It hung in the air, a question that no one had an answer to; well at least no one knew they had an answer. Buffy stared at the boy who felt so much like Angel, but at the same time felt completely different.

Dawn looked back and forth between her sister and this boy who gave her feelings that she could not explain. And Connor looked at the two women in front of him in shock and bewilderment.

Both made him feel something, they gave off a feeling of magic, as if they weren't all human. But the younger one made him feel all tingly inside, and for some reason it was a feeling that he liked. He looked at the older one and realized that she gave him the feeling to, but it wasn't as strong. It was as if she was connected to his family, but that was impossible.

"I don't believe I know you, why do you ask? And who are, how did you do that?"

Dawn started giggling but tried to cover it by coughing. It was unsuccessful as both Buffy and Connor looked over at her. She stopped but couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face.

Buffy shook her head and smiled at the boy, "Oh we're just visiting an old friend here. My name is Buffy, and this is my sister Dawn… And we did that by staking them in the heart."

At that Dawn bent over laughing at her sister's response, but quickly recovered. "I think he wants to know how we know about vamps and how we could kill them so easily. But I want to know who and what you are. You know about vampires and things like that; otherwise you wouldn't be out here right now. And you, well, you look really familiar." _I can't say that I feel tingly when he's near me, so that will have to do. Besides he really does remind me of someone._

Connor looked at her in confusion, "What do you mean what I am? And unless you've been in Quartoth, it could be that you know my dad." _Please don't say you know him, just let it drop and tell me who you are. Especially her._ He thought looking at Dawn_. I feel drawn to her; I wonder what it is that makes me want to be close to her. I'm worried I mean I just met them and I feel that I should trust them completely._

Buffy's smile turned into a frown, "Who's your father? I think I might know him, or at least of him. I know almost all of the demon hunters in LA." _He can't be…_

Sighing Connor shook his head, "No, I don't want to talk about him… Besides it doesn't matter anymore. So how did you do that again, you never really said?"

Frowning even more, Buffy looked at him, really looked at him and knew she wasn't going to like the answer to her next question. Taking a deep breath and grabbing Dawns hand for support she asked, "Why doesn't it matter now?"

Connor looked upset, and they guessed it was because they wouldn't drop it. He sighed softly, "Because he is no longer my real dad, but something much worse. Or at least that's what everyone else says. I don't know though, I was taught that he was always evil and no matter what he would never be something worthy of living."

He looked up at them and somehow knew that the older one, Buffy, knew who he was, but as he looked at Dawn he saw that she was upset over something. Looking back at Buffy he saw that she had a look of utter betrayal on her face. And for some reason he felt that he had done something terrible, but he didn't know what.

_I can't do this! It's too much too soon; I don't… I don't know what to do…_ Buffy's mind and soul screamed out to him, and she knew that even soulless he heard her. She didn't know, however, what he would do now that he knew that she knew, and that she was here.

Dawn looked on as Buffy's soul cried out for its mate, and tears fell freely for she knew that it would not find it. _Only the demon will answer her calls, and she doesn't want him to. I hope he will be kind, but then it means he still loves her. Well in the only way he can._

"What is it? Did I say something wrong, is she alright? Dawn, please tell me what I did!" Connor pleaded with her, he went to her and grabbed her hand. His other hand reaching forward to wipe her tears away. Her grip was strong, almost as strong as his own which surprised him.

Connor knew what had caused their tears; he only hoped that he could stop them as well. _Oh no, they do know him, but they aren't looking at me as if I was garbage. In fact, they just look hurt and upset by the fact that he was with someone else. I don't know how I know, I just hope it works. _

Touching her cheek with his free hand, he said softly, "I'm sorry, but I can't help who my parents are. I just hope that you can understand that she meant nothing to him, but a one night stand. He did not, and does not love her. He told me once when he was upset with me, that the women he loved sent him to hell. And that he still loved her, 'forever,' he said, 'that's the whole point.'"

As Buffy's mind bombarded her with thought after painful thought of her Angel with someone else, loving someone else, holding her, kissing her, making love to…she heard someone speaking. His voice so familiar, he sounded like her Angel. But her mind insisted that her Angel was gone, the demon was there now. But she knew it wasn't Him, suddenly she heard the voice say, "Forever, he said, that's the whole point." And her mind stilled.

Dawn looked on as Buffy heard Connor's words. And she sighed in relief; she glanced over to him and smiled a small sad smile, which he returned. "So what's your name?"

Connor looked embarrassed, "Sorry, I guess I forgot in all the confusion. My name is Connor." Her smile grew and he could not help but smile back. "So where are you staying during your trip?"

Dawn looked at him for a minute before nodding her head slightly, "We're staying with our friends, and a hotel. I believe Buffy said Hyperion Hotel." At his look she smiled, "So he really is your father." Her smile was sad, and it almost broke his heart.

She hung her head, but looked back up after a second. "So who was she? I mean you say he never loved her, but I know that Buffy won't believe us until he tells her himself."

She glanced at her sister, and noticed that she had retreated in to her mind. Frowning she looked back at the boy, Connor, and said, "I hope she comes back soon. We need to go back to the hotel and explain how we know so much about this."

Connor looked at Buffy, and realized what Dawn meant by 'come back'. She had gone into her mind, leaving her body like a shell. _How did she do that? It's not something that anyone could do; you have to have control over your whole body. _"How did she do that?"

"Oh that? She's been doing that for years, it used to scare me to death. I mean really, I walk into my sister's room and find her in a state that looks like death!" She smiled over at Connor, "but what you really want to know is the answer to your second question."

He looked at her, thinking back on all of his questions. And remembered the one she was talking about, nodding he said, "Yes, I really am curious."

Her smile grew, and she gestured over to a bench near by. He walked over as she guided her sister over and sat her down. He could tell that she had done this before.

She sat next to him and looked at her sister. "She's done this for so long, it's hard to remember that it's not normal." Laughing softly she looked over at him, "Of course we're anything but normal. Since Angel's your dad, I'm going to assume that you know about vampires. But do you know about Slayers?" At his nod she continued. "Well there used to only be one every generation, but then one died and was brought back to life. Since then there have been more then one Slayer, obviously we are both Slayers."

Connor sat there stunned. _That was not what I was expecting. I mean hunters, yes. Vampires Slayers, no. _He looked at her and saw that she did looked like what his father had told him about them. Her eyes looked older than she was, as did Buffy's. He looked over at Buffy and realized that she had been called before Dawn. Her eye's, even vacant, looked as old as his dad's. "So how long have you known about all this and how long have you been a Slayer?"

Dawn looked at him in surprise. "You are good. No one seems to know the difference these days." Taking a breath she looked him in the eyes as she told him what only a hand full of others knew. "I've know for about six years, but I was called last year." She looked over at Buffy again and her sad smile came back. "But she has known for about eight years, and that's how long she has fought them."

Connor looked at Buffy again with respect. His father had told him the life expectance of Slayers, and it wasn't that long. If it had stayed the same as it was when his father was born, then this girl was the longest lived Slayer.

_But what about the other Slayers that had been before Dawn had been called. She had said that there had been more then one, but there were years between when they were called. So who were the ones now gone? _

"There was only one." As Dawn spoke he realized that he said that last bit out loud. But her answer confused him. Seeing the look on his face, Dawn smiled softly, "Buffy was called when she was 15, then Kendra was called when Buffy died at 16. Buffy was the one to die and come back, she drowned and a friend gave her CPR. Kendra died when Buffy was 17, and Faith was called. Faith went through a lot, and is now in jail. But I know for a fact that she is sorry for everything, and that Buffy has forgiven it all. But I was called when the Slayer sacrificed herself for her sister."

She was looking at Buffy with a far away look, as if she were living it again. "She jumped off a tower to close a portal that I opened. She gave her life for me and then I was called as her replacement. But then Willow brought her back and we were so happy that we didn't notice her pain. Until she almost lost herself, I found her and realized what they had done, when they brought her back. She was like this for most of that time; she just put on a show for us to make us think that she was ok. But I finally got to see the real her, my real sister when I told her about me. About what happened when she died, and she hugged me with tears falling down her face. She cried because she finally had someone who would understand her, completely."

She blinked and looked out over the park they were in, her eyes still far away. "We only told those that needed to know, and some already knew. I had to tell someone, so I told one person. The one person that I knew would understand why I didn't want to tell everyone. And he was my one confident until she came back and I had the confidence to tell her. So I told Spike and Buffy told Will and Tara hoping that they would be able to do some magic to help hide me. You see the watchers council has been looking for me since I was called, and we hoped that they would be able to hide me from them until we knew that I could fight them off. Buffy never questioned why I told Spike about it, she understood that he felt like a brother to me. But he really, if you want to go by the family tree, is my nephew, or my brother. It really is confusing, and you would be my brother and that is beyond weird. So I'm not going to think of you as family at all right now, maybe later but I really don't want to be your blood relation if you don't mind."

Connor smiled, _she's cute when she rambles. But what does she mean by that? How would we be related, unless Buffy really is…? _"I agree, but what do you mean? How would you be related to me?" _Please don't say it, please don't say it. _

"Well, Buffy is Angel's soul mate. And I think that she's his demons mate as well, but I haven't confirmed it yet. Plus she bears his mark, so she would be your step-mother. Kinda weird, huh? And Spike is one of Angel's child, or grand child, it's hard to remember. It doesn't really matter; they hate each other, but will grudgingly refer to the other as sire or child. But what matters is that Buffy wakes up before we have to go back. Could you try talking to her? She responded to your voice before?" Dawn looked at him pleadingly. And he couldn't say no.

**Hotel basement**

Angelus smiled as he heard his mate's call, she was close. _I can't wait till she gets here. I will finally make her mine!_ Upstairs they heard his gleeful laugh.

* * *

Ok, I have to stop now. I would write more, really, but it's really late and my mom will kill me if I sleep in tom. I will try to keep all chapters to this length or more from now on. Anyway I hope you all like this, and that it explains some things to you. If you are still confused review and I will change it. But please review anyway!


	5. Lost and Love

Lost and Love

Hey people, that is if anyone is reading this…anyway, here's more. This chapter is in Buffy's mind, kinda like when Willow went into her mind, but also mainly a dream. Questions?

_Thoughts_ Buffy's mind

_Thoughts_ Buffy's heart

**_Thoughts_** Angel(us)'s mind

* * *

Buffy's mind (dream)

She was lost. She looked around the darkness trying to find something that she knew, or someone to talk to. But there wasn't anyone, anywhere. She was alone.

Tears fell from her face as she searched desperately for someone, anyone, to ask where she was. And where he was. In her heart she knew that he was gone, but mind wouldn't listen to it. It refused to believe that her mate was gone, and that she couldn't find him. _After all, we found him here last time he left us. _It reasoned.

But her heart knew that he would not be here, and it feared who would come to her call. _He won't come, but the other will. And we can't face him yet. We need more time!_ But her mind would not listen, and it forced her to look everywhere. And it called out to their mate, hoping that just as he had last time, that he would come to her again.

Basement of hotel

In his cage Angelus heard her call in his sleep, and he smiled as he went to her.

Buffy's mind (dream)

_Why? Why won't you come to me? I need you; I can't live without knowing that you are safe, that you are here!_ But she knew it was useless, he wasn't going to come. He had been taken from her, he was stolen from her. Then suddenly he was there.

"Oh Angel! Where have you been? I've called you for so long, why did you leave me?" Buffy's mind had complete control, and would not listen to her heart. Who was shouting that it was the other, not him. But her mind wasn't listening and she ran to him.

He smirked at her, and tried to play the soul, "Oh Buffy, I tried to come to you but it stopped me. I heard your calls and tried so hard, but the container wouldn't let me. But I promise I will never leave you again."

At that he held her and wound his arms up until he was holding her head and her arms were pressed in between them. His hold changed from gentle to forceful. Looking up into his eyes, Buffy saw the coldness and hardness in them that only belonged to Angelus. _I told you the other would come! Now he will never let us go, we're doomed!_

As she looked into his eyes, he took the opportunity to do the same. **_So, she knows. Oh well, it couldn't last long._** He saw that she had grown since his last release and he couldn't wait until he was really holding her. **_Then I can claim her for forever._**

As her mind finally understood her heart took him in, it wanted to see if he had changed so that it would be prepared to face him. Looking onto his eyes again, she saw his hate, pain, and also love. _Wait. He's doesn't have love, especially for us! What has happened to change him? Does he love us as Angel does, or is it more like Spike's version of love?_

Her mind heard and thought as well, _I don't know, but it looks more like Spike's than Angel's. But that doesn't seem right either. Maybe it's different than any love, it seems as if he wants us, and not just as a trophy. But does he love us completely, or just the Slayer part of us? _

_We have too many questions and can't trust him to tell us the truth. Hopefully we can ask Wes when we return. _

_Yea, if He lets us go!_

Looking at him fully now, Buffy glared at him. "So do you always hold your victims so close? Or am I a special case?"

He smirked at her, **_oh a very special case!_** "I don't know if I would say 'special', but I suppose it is the best way to put it. After all, only the best for my girl." **_Ah, the Buffy I know and loath. I love it when she gets so upset, or riled up. Anything really, as long as it shows her other side. The side that she hides from all of her little friends. It's a side that only I am aloud to see._**

"You seem quiet smug for someone who is only here for a day or two."

"Humph, trust you to ruin my mood. And I'll have you know that I will not be leaving, if I get my way, I'll be here indefinitely!"

At the look on her face he broke out in a grin. "Ah yes, you think that just because they have the soul in a jar that I won't find a way to stay here. I will find a way, even if it doesn't seem like it to you. I will always be here, always telling him to go to you, to be with you, and to be at peace." **_Or I will at least be telling him to protect you, and to never leave your side._**

She looked at him again with a questioning look, _why does it feel to me like he's lying; I don't think he would be saying that. But then what would he be saying?_ "So what do you want?"

His smirk told her it was a stupid question. "Just you, only you."

She tried to pull free of his grasp, but her emotional state made her weaker in her mind. His grip on her tightened as she struggled, showing that he wouldn't let her go, no matter how much she tried.

She stilled after a while, and looked up at him again, this time he was surprised to see pain, worry, and a glimmer of something he couldn't identify.

Sighing softly she tried to glare, "so how are you going to get me? I mean right now even if you tried I will get free, either I wake up or you do. This isn't somewhere where you can keep me. So what's your plan?"

He smirked at her attempt to glare, and answered simply,"Well I thought that that was obvious, I'm going to tell you what you want to know."

He paused to look at her, she looked like she was waiting for his price, **_I really did pick a good mate. I wonder if I underestimated her last time, or if she has grown this much since he left._** "In exchange for you."

"How did I know you were going to say that. So what exactly do you want from me?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just you, in the cage, with me."

Sighing again she asked, "For how long?"

At that his smirk became a smile, "until I feel like letting you out."

* * *

An: I am so sorry that I didn't get this out sooner. Have no really reason, besides the fact that I wanted to watch some of the eps with Angelus in them. However I didn't get the chance, so I just went with what I thought he would say. If you think it could be better or anything else that could be better, just tell me. Oh and incase you're really confused, this is in Buffy's mind. Like a dream, but more like what happened to her in season five when she lost Dawn. Ok I hope I can give you more later, sorry this isn't that long, but I wanted to get it out. Bye


	6. Talking and Learning

Talking and Learning

They sat in silence since she last spoke. He looked over at her and understood how worried she was.

"So why do you think she responded to my voice and not yours?"

She looked at him with a confused face, "I thought you would have figured that out by now. Well the only one who can get her out completely, without magic, is Angel. And you sound like him, so I guess that she thinks it's him. Plus you said something that she believes in with all her heart and soul." At his look she said, "Do you remember what you said, you know, about what Angel told you?"

Connor thought and realized what he had said, he nodded and Dawn continued, "So she thought it was him, saying it to her again. And she relaxed, or her mind relaxed."

"So do you think you could try, just say something reassuring and loving. It might work."

Connor looked over at the women who could have been his mother and thought of what to say. It was hard for him to think of Angel being loving to someone, especially a Slayer, but the mark proved something. Either way he had to help her, he felt it deep down that she was important. Plus he didn't want to let Dawn down. _But why do I feel the need to make her happy, and why do they both feel as if they are very important to me?_

He looked over at Dawn, and smiled softly. He leaned over and sang her a song that he remembered from long ago, something that he knew Angel sang to him once. "Toora-loora-loora, toora-loora-lay, toora-loora-loora, that's an Irish lullaby…"

Dawn watched amazed as he sang, it sounded familiar to her. _Of course! I know that song, that's what Buffy would hum when she was worried, or happy, or scared, or anytime she saw something that was 'older'. Older than the things that she used now, in fact I remember one time when she saw an old leather jacket that she used to wear all the time. She wore it on the warmest days, but she never told me why. But she saw it after mom died and she started to hum that. I wonder if Angel ever sang it to her when they were 'together'._ As he sang they looked on to see if Buffy would react to it in any way. After he had gone halfway through it without a single reaction, they began to worry.

"What if He's there?"

"What do you mean? What if who's there?"

"Angelus… What if He's in her mind keeping her there, or blocking your voice? What if he intends to keep her there forever?" Dawn started out in a fierce whisper but ended almost shouting. "I can't lose her again! I won't live though that pain again!"

Without thinking Connor grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him, "I won't let him. Calm down, breath, he wouldn't want her trapped in her own mind, would he?" At her slight shake he continued, "I didn't think so, so he will want her to wake up soon. Maybe he's just trying to break her, or weaken her so that she will go to him willingly." At the look on Dawns face he knew he was right.

"Oh my god. That's what he wants! I know it; he has always wanted her and now he thinks he can really have her. Completely of her own free will, that was what he was trying to get her to do last time." She muttered, so Connor wouldn't have heard. That is if he didn't have super hearing.

"What do you mean? She's fought him before? But I thought she loved him, or at least was marked by him. And please tell me, did she willing get marked or did he force it? And how did they meet, did she always know about him? Did…" he would have kept asking questions, but Dawns laughter stopped him. He blushed when he realized he hadn't left her a chance to answer. "Sorry."

As Connor started asking her all of his questions, Dawn couldn't help but laugh. _I finally meet someone who could understand all of my life, and he doesn't know anything about it at all save for the fact that I fight Vampires every night._

"How do you do it?" She asked looking at her sister with a look of awe. Connor looked on confused, but she quickly looked back at him with a smile. "Ok, I don't know all of the details so bare with me. If you want a full account you'll have to ask one of them."

At his nod she went on, "Buffy, as you know, was called when she was 15. But what no one knew, she had an audience when her watcher first told her and when she stacked her first vamp. Angel watched her. He went to Sunnydale, where she would be sent soon, so that he could train and prepare for her.

"She went through a tough time, saw her first watcher die, killed her first master, and was kicked out of school for burning down the gym(it was full of vamps). So her first night in this new town, where she thinks she can start anew, as in stop hunting and killing things every night, and she literally knocked him off his feet.

"In her defense he was 'stalking' her, so she hid and knocked him down. That was their first meeting, there are many more, all of which they both flirted but never really told the other much. She knew that he knew about vamps and that she fought them, but that's it. So when he was hurt protecting her she never thought twice about bringing him to her house so that he could hide out. However soon after she found out what he is and of course she freaked."

Then she mumbled, "It doesn't help that she found out when they had their first kiss." Then louder, "She went to kill him, and he told her about his curse. She believed him, and they started a relationship of sorts. Not really seeing each other but not seeing anyone else, or for Buffy even thinking of seeing anyone else. It wasn't until her junior year in high school that they really started 'going out'; they would go on dates but mostly go patrolling together.

"On her 17th birthday everything went down hill. You see Angel's curse, as you probably know, has a clause. We call it the happiness clause. Well one thing lead to another and he had a moment of pure happiness. He felt no guilt, he felt human. And his demon hated it, so when he had taken control he went after Buffy. At first they thought he just wanted to drive her insane and then kill her.

"However after one incident I thought otherwise, Buffy had come home from 'work' and locked herself in her room. I snuck in and saw her lying on her bed crying, I went to her and she told me what happened. In my head, at the time, I realized that he still loved her. He wasn't going to kill her; no he wanted her to be his forever.

"But with Angelus he needs them to go to him willingly, so he was going to make it so that he was all she had left. But she wouldn't break, and when he was going to bring the world to hell she went to kill him."

She paused at his horror filled look and smiled softly, "I'll tell you about it later. However before she could kill him Willow, a friend, recursed him, so Buffy had to send the love of her life to hell. And yes, she loved him, with all of her heart and she still does. If the way she reacted to you is any indication.

"Anyway, she left Sunnydale, and came here. Before she left she came to me and told me she had to go away. But she knew she would come back, she gave me her most prized possession so that I would know, and also so nothing happened to it. She left me her ring, the ring that Angel gave her on her 17th birthday. Just after school started again she came back.

"Somehow Angel came back, you will have to ask her how, she never told me and I never asked. But their relationship was never the same, from his curse to her friends; they tried to overcome it all but Angel worried for Buffy. And so he told he was leaving after the battle was over.

"Some demon was ascending and they were going to stop it, it was on her graduation, which is when you are seen as an adult here. But before that, Faith, the other Slayer, who was working with the demon, shot Angel with a poisoned arrow. The only cure was Slayers blood, so Buffy went to go kill Faith. When she had almost won, Faith jumped and got away, so Buffy went to Angel and made him drink hers.

"Again you will have to ask her for all the details, but that is what she told me. And then he left her without saying goodbye, he just made sure that she was fine, and let her do the same, and then he was gone. She was lost to us for weeks after that, but then one day she was fine. At least she wanted us to think she was fine, she was really dead inside.

"She started college, the next step in education, and met a boy. Her friends pushed her at him and she went, thinking maybe she could love him, but she never did. At least not like she loved Angel.

"But before that she went to see Angel, you see he had gone to Sunnydale to protect her, but he did it without letting her know. So she went to go yell at him and tell him to not go see her, or she would never move on.

"However things never go as planed and a demon attacked them. They split up to find it, Buffy up into the daylight and Angel in the sewers, Angel found it. The demon was called a Mora, and its blood had rejuvenating properties. Its blood mixed with his and made him mortal, he went to make sure it was real and not temporary.

"Then he went to her, and they spent the entire day together, just like any 'normal' couple. But he was weak as a human, and would hinder her in fights, so after she was asleep he went to the oracles and had them turn him back. To do so they had to turn the whole day back, only he would remember so that he could stop it from happening again.

"They have had a few more interactions since then, but that was the biggest. And Buffy only knows and remembers now after coming back from heaven. So that's their story, in a very condensed version."

Through out the story Connor remanded quit, knowing that she wouldn't tell him everything if he interrupted, but now he was just reeling from what she had told him. _My dad had loved someone so much as to leave them, and to give up humanity. But the fact that Angel was once, in this lifetime, human was what really shocks me._ _If my dad had been human after being a Vampire, he couldn't be evil. Or at least completely evil, could he? _

"What do you mean evil? Angel's not evil, Angelus is!" Dawn said in shock.

_Damn, I've really got to learn to not think out loud._ "Sorry, I was just thinking. I didn't mean to say it out loud."

"That doesn't change the fact that you said it, which means you think it. How can you think that about your father?"

"I don't. I think that about my dad."

Confused Dawn asked, "What's the difference? Isn't Angel your dad?" At his nod she continued, "So then why isn't he your father?"

"No. My father raised me, he was a good man. My dad is just the monster who killed him, and who I am related to by blood."

Looking at him with confusion Dawn tried to understand, _so his father raised him, ok but then who is his father? And why does he hate Angel so much? He wouldn't kill anyone, at least not on purpose. Although I did hear once about him leaving a bunch of lawyers with two vamps. But I didn't think it was really at the time, I mean they said it was Darla and Dru! But I guess it was true. Huh, I wonder what set him off._ "So you hate your dad, ok. But who is your father?"

Looking at her in shock he answered automatically, "Holtz." _She understands? But I thought that she was part of Angel's gang. She wouldn't understand my hate of him, she loves him. Doesn't she? I mean her sister does, but does she?_

"Yes, I do. He's like a father or brother to me." At his look she smiled, "You really do have to stop thinking out loud."

"Anyway, who is Holtz? I don't remember being told about him. Although they didn't tell me a whole lot before. But I'm sure Buffy would have told me if Angel had killed anyone recently, cause she is way over protective. So who is he and how did you end up with him?"

"What do you mean? Recently? He has killed many people through out his whole life!"

"No, Angelus killed people though out his whole life. Angel, and Liam before him, did and do not kill people for the fun of it." Dawn said as if she were explaining it to a child. "And recently because he had a bad time a year or two ago. He did things then that he would never do when I knew him."

"But you do know him, he hasn't changed. Has he?"

The curiosity in his voice made her look at him again. _He obviously has childhood trauma, but then he wasn't raised by his dad. So something had to happen. He seems to be curios about his dad, yet hate him at the same time. Maybe someone planted in him this hate… it makes sense. Probably this Holtz person. I get this feeling that he was not a friend of the family._

"Well, yeah. He's changed, everyone does. He's had things happen that have changed him. You for one. But even before that he was different. When we first met him he was elusive and cryptic. Then he opened up more, to Buffy and me at least. But after Hell he was putting up shields so that we, or I, wouldn't know that something was wrong. Then he came here, and from what I've been told he was trying to do that here. But he had people to make him go out, to make him have a human connection. He has been opening up to more people and letting them in, when it used to only be me and Buffy.

"He's changed so much that I don't know if he is the same man I loved. But I know that he is the man that she loves and it doesn't matter how much he changes that will always be the same. I hope it's the same for him, but I don't know anymore. But if he doesn't love her anymore she will break, I know that."

As Connor watched and listened to her he felt her love and pain and worry. He felt her soul. And he understood that if her sister broke then she would too. And for some reason that he didn't know, he couldn't let that happen. He had to make sure that didn't happen. And he wondered why she was so important to him, why he felt he would rather die then see her broken. Why he felt for her at all.

* * *

Ok! So you guys want more, here it is. I hope this is ok; I had this on my computer before it got sick. So I just worked on it some more and here it is. I wanted to put some Connor Dawn time in so that you could understand. Con may hate his dad, but he still feels for him. And hopefully with Dawns help he can over come his hate. By the way, this is also a C/D in case you didn't pick that up. Next chap should have more Buffy Angelus drama. Bye all, Kat


	7. Love and Found

Love and Found

Trapped in his arms, her mind wandered again. She thought about her life and what it would be like if she accepted. She had no doubt that she wanted him, and him her. But she knew that he didn't love her, he was only obsessed with her. And that wouldn't be enough to keep her.

_Well, he may love me, but not like Angel. No one can love me like that. And no matter what, I have to remember that He isn't Angel. And I would never love him, not completely. Because he isn't my soul's mate, I'm just his demons mate. I wonder how that happened; it didn't seem like it before when he was 'out'. He only wanted to drive me insane and kill me, or at least that's what he wanted me to think. I'm fairly sure that he was just acting, it seemed like that when I saw it all again at least. I hope that he will let me go; I have to get back to Dawn. And Angel's son, hum, I wonder if he can tell me anything. Of course anything he say's I'll have to take with a grain of salt. But maybe he'll tell me the truth, and I can always ask the others when I get back. I guess it couldn't hurt; I just have to remember not to really believe anything until I talk to Wesley. _

"So you want me to stay with you…forever."

"Why yes I think that is my idea." He said smirking; she could even hear it in his words.

"But if I stay with you then I can't kill the beast. And he'll destroy the world, with us in it, and I'm fairly sure I'm going back to heaven, while you'll go back to hell."

She turned in his arms, "So that won't really work, now will it." Smiling up at him she saw him realize the down side of his 'bargain'. "How about I just come and see you and you tell me everything?" She asked, still smiling.

He looked down at her and saw her mirth, his smirk came back as he replied, "But then you'll just go away and never see me again, no I don't think so. You have to do more than just see me, besides you know you want to join me."

Laughing slighting Buffy shook her head, "No… I think I like it on the other side of the bars." _Now there's an idea…I wonder._

"So you won't join me? Ah well, didn't think it would work. Well you have to do something, what will you do?"

"I'm impressed. Before, you wouldn't have realized that you don't know what I'm capable of doing. Let alone if I'll do something or not." She shifted in his arms again, trying to put an inch between them.

He seemed to realize this and pulled her tighter, getting a glare from her. "Fine, I won't try to breath." At that he relaxed his hold slightly, murmuring that she need only to ask.

Softly she said, "I can come and sit with you…out side of the cage, but I'll be close. Not this close, but still closer than any of the others are willing to go. You can hold me, and be with me for two hours. Is that ok?"

Growling softly he said, "I suppose."

Smiling she said, "Good! Now I have a question for you." At his look she added, "It's not about the beast or anything. It's about your son."

Looking down at her he smirked again, "Ah I see you met the little boy. He can be quite a pain. You should try to lose him when you get back, so that he won't follow you around like a lost puppy."

"Why? He doesn't seem that bad, he actually looked sorry for telling me that he was your son. And I don't mean just the fact that he hates you and Angel, I mean that he knew it hurt me. In fact I wouldn't be here talking to you if he didn't say something to me, well Dawn actually but still."

She looked him in the eye and her face became serious, "Do you want to know what he told me? If he didn't say anything I would still be lost in my mind, and you wouldn't be able to reach me. So do you want to know, so that you can thank him later?"

He looked in her eyes and saw that she wasn't lying; his son had said something that had calmed his mates mind. **_Well might as well know, so that I can determine if I should kill him slowly or not. Hum, maybe if he can help my mate, and he is my heir, maybe I shouldn't kill him. I'll wait and see._**

Out loud he said, "Why not. I doubt it will change my feelings for the boy, but it can't hurt to know if he's being good."

Smirking slightly Buffy leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Forever, that's the whole point."

Pulling back to where she was before she looked at him and continued, "He told us that his dad told him once, when he was upset with him, that the women he loved once sent him to hell. But that he still loved her, he said that his dad said, 'forever, that's the whole point.' And that is what calmed my mind, the thought and knowledge that Angel still loves me. That he will always love me, because I will always love him."

With a snarl Angelus threw her away from him and started to pace. Buffy looked up at him from her seat on the floor and watched him. When he hadn't stopped after the 10th round she sighed. "I didn't think it would upset you this much."

He glared at her and asked through clenched teeth. "Why? Why do you always have to bring him into everything? He's gone and still you cling to him. Why can't you cling to me?" he stopped as soon as he realized what he had said. **_I can't believe I just said that._**

_I can't believe he just said that!_ "What do you mean? You want me to wish that you were here, and not Angel? I may be drawn to you but I don't love you. I don't know if I ever can, love entails trust and I don't trust you with anything. You have given me no reason to, so why do you want me to love you? I just can't…this isn't happening, why…no please…" With that her mind gave out and she fainted.

Angelus had gone back to pacing, when he realized that she had stopped talking and looked over at her. He ran to her when he saw that she had passed out.

"Buff, come on. Wake up, you can't stay in here forever, you need to wake up so you can go save the world." Seeing that this wasn't doing anything he just sat with her in his lap. **_Oh god, you can't stay in your mind, love. I need you out there, with me, or even with him. Please wake up!_**

He didn't know what to do so he just started talking, "I can't believe it's been a year since soul boy left you again. It took me by surprise that he did, on the way there he just kept thinking of how he was going to never let you leave his sight again.

"But then when he got there and saw you, he realized that he had to let you go. It wasn't time yet for you to be together, of course I was screaming at him that he was an idiot. I kept yelling at him that you're ours and look what happened when we weren't there to protect you. You go and sacrifice your self for your sister and the world.

"We almost died that day, when Willow came and told us. He almost went out to greet the day, and I was going to let him. If it weren't for his friends and yours, he would have. But your little sis, she ran to him and yelled at him. You would be proud of her; she's becoming more like you by the day.

"Do you know what she told us? Of course you do, you're the one who told it to her. But it took him, and me, by surprise; she told us that strong is living. And he knew that if he wanted to be with you one day, it couldn't end like that. So here we are, still here and waiting for the time when we will be able to be with you… forever."

As Angelus was talking, Buffy heard him, but she also heard someone else. It was Angel's son, he was talking to Dawn. She listened to both and tried to wake up.

But it was so hard, so she waited until something happened. She didn't know what it was exactly that she was waiting for, but she knew that when it happened, she would wake. And then she heard it, they both seemed to say the same thing and that triggered her to wake.

Only she didn't just wake to see Angelus, she skipped to waking in her body. And the word was the first thing on her lips, "Forever…"

But Angelus didn't know that she wouldn't come back to him, one minute he's talking to her. And the next she's gone. Her body shimmered and then vanished.

He knew what it meant; she went back to her body. And though he was glad that she wouldn't be stuck here, he didn't want her to leave him yet. Then he felt himself return to his own mind. When he opened his eyes he let out a snarl and a frustrated cry.

Upstairs they all looked around not knowing what just happened with Angelus and Buffy. But they would find out soon, as when Buffy got back, Angelus wasn't going to let her forget their deal.

* * *

Tada! Look at that I updated! Yah me! Anyway, I know it's short. (Or maybe you don't notice, or care how long or short it is. But I do) I don't know why but I don't seem to be able to write a lot with Buffy and Angelus. I guess it's cause I don't know if my version of Angelus is good or not (as in realistic). I know Angelus is really sappy in this, but just think Passions and it works! But I guess it's not that bad. The next chapter should be longer.

Just in case you didn't know, the last few chapters happened at the same time. This next one will be about Dawn and Connor right before, and as, Buffy is waking. IMPORTANT! I'm planning on changing the name of this fic. It will change to Finding the Light. The next update will have its new name at the top and then again down here. I just want everyone to know that after that it will not be Thoughts of Souls. Thank you. Ok then, bye Kat


	8. Talking and Waking

Talking and Waking

ATTENTION! This fic is now Finding the Light. The next time I update it will be posted on that name not Thoughts of Souls. Thank you for your attention. Also I've redone all the other chapters, most are small, but it should be easier to read.

* * *

They sat next to her sister's body waiting for her to return to herself, they had stopped trying to talk her back, but Dawn was considering trying again soon. The silence was defining, and she was getting a headache from it.

As if he sensed that she was breaking under the silence, Connor started to talk again, it was unclear if he was talking to her or to Buffy.

"I don't know much about me dad, aside from what my father told me of him. And from his friends, and now you, but what I do know is that he doesn't give up. He will always pursue something until it is his or there is no further reason." He paused, as if thinking of what to say and do next. His head was bowed down and he grabbed Buffy's hand.

"I used to believe that was only in what he did in evil, but after my time here and what you have told me I think, no I know that it is the same for the good he does. And he does to good, whether I believe it or not, he is trying to atone and find something. I think maybe forgiveness, but I've heard the others say its redemption.

"I don't really know what to think or believe about him, I've been told so many conflicting facts and opinions on him that my mind doesn't know what to believe and trust. But I do know this, he loves you, in any form and life, and he will always love you and be there for you. I don't know all of your past with him, I don't know how you feel about certain things now, but I do know that you still love him. And you still love him, you always will."

Dawn watched amazed that he could see all that, that he could know so much about her sister. _He really is his father's son._

Connor felt her eyes on him and meet her gaze, he was surprised to see the intensity in her eyes. Seeing him looking at her Dawn smiled softly at him. _And he has no idea._

"What?" He asked confused and a little embarrassed that he lost him self in his words.

Shaking her head Dawn said, "nothing, it's just that…nothing."

Frowning Connor asked again. She tried to get out of telling him, but he was as stubborn as Angel.

"Alright. But I warned you, you won't like it." She paused looking him in the eye. He saw that she was serious and nodded.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself she kept eye contact and said, "you really are you're father's son, you're dad's son." She waited for a reaction, knowing that he would be upset at being compared to what he saw as a monster.

When none came she went on, explaining her reason. "What you just did, talking to her like that and about that. That is something that he would do. In fact only he and I do that for her, most of our other friends don't trust or like Angel anymore." At his slightly confused look she added, "They preach forgiveness, but don't seem to be able to follow through. It's a flaw in most humans."

He nodded in understanding, "My father told me of something like that. People say one thing but do another."

She smiled slightly at that and nodded her head. "It's an old common flaw, one that I fear will always be." Looking at him closely she asked, "are you upset with me?"

With a confused and astonished look Connor ask, "What are you talking about? How and why would I be made at you?"

"Well, I told you that you're like your dad. And you don't like him, so I thought you would be upset."

He shook his head saying, "No, it's your opinion. I can't be made at you for it. And, don't tell anyone, but I understand what you mean."

Smiling Dawn said, "It's weird, but I feel like I've known you longer than a few hours."

"I know what you mean." He paused and asked, "How long has it been?"

"According to my watch, 2 hours. This will be one of her middle 'episodes' if she comes out soon."

"I can't believe it's been that long. I feel like we just started talking."

They glanced at each other and smiled. Both felt a pull to the other, and both knew that if they kept this up they would feel more. And it didn't bother either of them.

"I feel as if I've known you my whole like." Dawn said with a laugh.

"Yeah, like we've been friends forever." Connor said with a smile.

Suddenly Buffy came to life, her eyes flew open and she sat up straight.

Both Connor and Dawn stared at her in shock till Dawn snapped out of it and touched her sister's arm.

"Buffy?"

Buffy's only response was her eyes moving to look Dawn in the eye, and a whisper.

"Forever."

* * *

I finally wrote more! I'm so proud of me! Anyway, this chapter took some time as you can see. And I basically left you in the same place as last time. You must hate me. But please no flames, I may stop this whole fic. The next chapter will not be posted for a while as well. School takes up most, if not all, of my time and I am left with little to no inspiration to write. But I will try. Review!

AGAIN! This fic will now be Finding the Light, not Thoughts of Souls. Thank you.

Bye Kat


	9. Comforting and Carrying

Comforting and Carrying

AN: I need a beta reader! Pease email or review telling me if you will beta read for me.

* * *

"_Buffy?"_

_Buffy's only response was her eyes moving to look Dawn in the eye, and a whisper._

"_Forever."

* * *

_

Pulling her into her arms Dawn whispered calming and loving words to her. Her eyes moved from the top of Buffy's head to Connors eyes. She knew that hers were pleading him to do something, say anything, and she wished she could stop asking him for help. At least for today she wanted to let him be, and not ask so much from him.

He had just learned that he had more family, somewhat, and that they were Slayers. It had to be hard to take all that in, plus the idea that someone he had been raised to hate was good, and loved someone so much to die for them, twice.

_But I have to help Buffy first, and then I can worry about Connor. Till then I have to focus on her._

She was so grateful when Connor somehow understood her plea, and started whispering calming words as well.

With both of them holding her and speaking calming things, Buffy started to wake up fully. But her body was still numb, and didn't respond fully. The only thing she could do to show them that she heard and understood them was move her arm to circle Dawn's waist.

Luckily for her Dawn knew what to expect, and although this was the worst 'episode' to date, she knew to multiply what had happened before by 5. So she felt the moment that Buffy touched her and looked straight into her eyes.

Buffy tried to smile and show that she was back, completely, but her face didn't comply. However she knew that Dawn saw it in her eyes when she nodded and smiled back.

"Welcome back."

Connor stopped talking and looked at them both, seeing that Buffy was indeed awake. But it seemed that she couldn't move just yet.

"Buffy? We have to get inside." Dawn said, leaving her question unsaid, knowing that her sister would understand.

Buffy's eyes showed that she did, and they glanced at Connor before moving back to Dawn.

Smiling slightly Dawn nodded and looked over at Connor.

"Would you carry her?"

He looked at her in surprise, then at Buffy. He looked in her eyes, hoping to understand her reason and answer.

Her eyes showed that she knew and trusted that he would protect her, since she couldn't protect herself. He also got the feeling that she was amused by what was happening with her sister and him. Well amused and worried, but he couldn't blame her for worrying. She loved his dad; he couldn't blame her for thinking the same problems would happen to them too.

Nodding he said, "Thank you, we should get there fast. That is if your sister can keep up." The laughter he saw in her eyes warmed his heart, and made Dawn's indigent 'hey!' funnier then anything he had done before and made him voice Buffy's laugh for her.

When she heard his laugh, Dawn smiled. She knew that he hadn't laughed much in his life thus far, and she also knew why he made the crake to begin with. Her sister really could make anyone love her.

Trying to hide a smile she said, "so mister 'I can walk faster then a Slayer, while carrying a Slayer', lead the way."

Connor's laughter once again filled the air as he gently picked up Buffy and turned toward to Hyperion.

"You know, I think that was the first time anything like that has been said." At his confused look Dawn elaborated, "What I mean is that no one has ever carried a Slayer while another one walked beside them. It could have happened sure, if the two Slayers' weren't fighting. Side's no one would of said it out loud, especially because no one I know is dumb, or gifted, enough to say that they are faster then a Slayer to her face. And did I tell you that I got my sister's habit of rambling?"

Smiling lightly he answered, "I noticed. And I guess I'm special." At her confused look he added, "I can say I'm faster than you. But do you count me as a dumb or gifted?"

Rolling her eyes Dawn said, "as if you could be counted as dumb."

By this time they had reached the hotel, and as Dawn opened the door for Connor to go through he started to laugh again.

The group inside the lobby stared in wonder at them, except Lorn, wondering what could have made Connor laugh so.

Lorn stared at wonder at the emotions coming from the three people in front of him. _What happened that changed Connors feelings so quickly?_ His eyes moved to Dawn standing beside him, to the look she had in her eyes when she looked at him. And he understood what had changed.

"What happened? We're you attacked? Why are you carrying Buffy?"

Wesley's voice broke everyone out of their trances, and forcing Lorn's eye's to move toward the women in Connor's arms. By just looking at her he could feel many things, most he already knew. It wasn't a surprise to him that she felt Angel's soul leave, or that she was worried.

But now, she felt more. It seemed that she knew who Connor was he couldn't tell how she felt about him yet. However even from here he felt her understanding and he knew that she felt comfortable with him, or she wouldn't let him carry her.

Wes was also surprised by the fact that Connor, someone whom Buffy had just met, was carrying her. Slayers did not like to be weak, or show any weakness to those they didn't trust with their lives. _Like father, like son. _

"Well, yeah we were attacked. Why else would we go out there but to hunt? We even told you we were." Dawn said plainly. "And Buffy can't move her body just yet, that's why he's carrying her."

The others looked at her as if she hand another head. _Which could have happened._

Looking at Connor she asked him silently with her eye's if she had another head.

With a smile he shook his head, "no, they don't know about her 'episodes' remember. Only we do."

"Oh, right! I forgot, sorry." The last was said to the rest of the room. She looked over at her sister and frowned. "She should have been able to move by now." Grabbing hold of Buffy's hand she looked in her eye's and asked, "can you move yet?"

She saw the panic in her sister's eye's and knew that she couldn't. Dawn's face looked pained when she asked if they could let Buffy lay down for a little while.

"I can tell you most of what you want, or need, to know." As an after thought she asked, "Has He done anything in the last few hours that was strange…er?"

Wes looked to the door of the basement thoughtfully. "Well…yes. For some time he was very quite, wasn't shouting things up at us."

"Or singing." Lorn added.

Nodding Fred added, "But before he was quite, I remember he laughed. It was worse than anything I've heard from him."

With a pained look Lorn said, "He put emotion in it. It was full of his thoughts of what he was going to do…with her." He gestured at Buffy.

Connor's hold on Buffy tightened and Dawn griped her hand, everyone in the room could see they had a connection to Buffy.

Confused by Connors behavior Wes finished by adding, "And then about 30 minutes ago he cried out."

"It was as if he had lost something. Something very important to him." Fred added.

Dawn looked up from her sister's eyes to look at the girl who just said that. Her eye's moved to Lorn's, and she noticed that he was watching her. _More like he's watching all three of us. I wonder what he knows…_

She was drawn from her thoughts by Wesley.

"So…ah Dawn, what happened to you're sister?"

Startled, Dawn glanced around the room to see if everyone was interested. She found that all eye's were one her.

Smiling softly she nodded, "um, well first, Con could you sit her down over there?"

Connor smiled at the nickname and started to move toward the group of couches. He sat Buffy down and let Dawn get her comfortable. He looked over at his dad's 'family' and wondered if they heard it too.

Fred looked over at Gunn in shock and mouthed 'Con'? He smiled and shock his head. He had no idea where that came from.

Wes also looked on in shock, and amazement, but not for the nickname. He was shocked by Connor's smile.

Connor's eyes were drawn to Lorn's and he saw understanding and even joy. Somehow, Connor knew that the demon knew about what was happening between Dawn and him. _I only hope that someone can tell me.

* * *

_

Hi all! Thank you for waiting for this, I'm very sorry that it took so long. I just lost track of the time. I usually try to update on the weekends, but I forgot that my weekends are booked solid till I graduate! But don't worry, I will still write when I can, I just might not get it out to you so often. A hint that really does work, if you send me a message or review telling me to update, I will remember to write more and post it. Also, don't be surprised if the next few chapters are shorter, cause if you tell me to post, I may not wait till I feel I've written enough. I will most likely post what I have done and keep writing it from there (meaning there might be a few cliffhangers). Ok, this is getting long, time to go. If you have any questions just ask, I'll try to answer as best as I can. Also, check out my profile, I might just post info there (I did for this chap. so please look) if ask enough, or if I feel that something needs explaining. Well, bye all, Kat


	10. Intro's and Feeling

Last time:

"So…ah Dawn, what happened to you're sister?"

Somehow, Connor knew that the demon knew about what was happening between Dawn and him. _I only hope that someone can tell me._

* * *

Looking up from Buffy Dawn glanced around the room again, noticing that all eye's where on her still she smiled.

"So, do you want the long version or the short?" Glancing at the clock she added, "We have time for both."

"Uh, the long if you please. Things tend to be left out in the short."

Nodding Dawn asked, "Then I need to know what everyone knows so far." She rolled her eyes at the puzzled looks, "about Buffy and Angel. I can't tell you unless I know what you know. Otherwise it will be far too long."

"What do you mean? What we know?" the girl, Fred, asked.

"I mean, do you know about them. That Buffy is the Slayer, her story?" Pausing slightly she added, "I assume you know about Angel being a vampire, but is that all you know?"

Looking at everyone's puzzled face's she sighed and sat down next to her sister. It seemed that her sitting reminded the others that they were still standing, so they sat as well.

Connor had chosen one of the larger sitting areas to set Buffy down in, so everyone sat looking at Dawn waiting answers. Connor sat next to her to help her face the group, causing her to look up and smile and him.

Again everyone noticed the interaction between the two, Lorn smiled at them from his set across from them.

Looking away from Connor Dawn smirked at Lorn and said to everyone, "You know, if I'm going to tell you our, and their story, I think that you should at least introduce you're selves."

At everyone's stunned looks Dawn and Connor smiled and laughed slightly.

Trying to regain his composer, Wesley started, "Well, you know who I am, but for fun. I am Wesley Windom-Price, I work for Angel…I think." At her confused look he add with a sad smile, "I lot has happened, well talk later." As he said this he also looked over at Buffy.

Fred cleared her throat and smile at Dawn, "I'm Fred, well Winifred, but everyone calls me Fred. Angel saved me, that's how I'm here now."

Smiling back at her Dawn looked over at Gunn, nodding from him to speak.

He smiled as well and nodded back as he added,"Names Charles Gunn, but just call me Gunn."

Again Dawn smiled, then her eye's moved to the last one and before he could even start she was out of her set hugging him.

Laughing softly Lorn said in a mock hurt voice, "that's not far, everyone got to introduce themselves."

Pulling away slightly Dawn patted his arm lightly, "I didn't know you would feel left out, but go ahead if you want to."

"Why thank you lame chops, but as you know, I am Lorn." He said stepping back to bow slightly.

Laughing at his antics Dawn added, "I can't believe Buffy didn't tell me you were working with Angel. I would of called or came to see you uncle Lorn."

Behind her everyone stared in shock at what she just said.

"Uncle Lorn?" Fred asked.

Turning around Dawn nodded smiling at them all, "yes, well not by blood or anything, but that's what I've been calling him for years." Glancing over her shoulder she smiled up at Lorn.

Returning the smile Lorn said, "Buffy and Dawn used to live in LA, after Buffy was called and before she left for Sunnydale, she and Dawn came to my club. Well Buffy came after her watcher died and Dawn followed her.

"Then the next summer they both came often when they were with their father. And later Buffy came by herself. They came so often that they were know by all my regulars, and had become so popular they were asked to sing every night they were their."

"Please, we weren't that good. It was just that the demons that frequent it are tone def."

Chuckling softly Lorn shared a glance with Wesley and Gunn, both of whom were laughing.

Shaking her head, and not seeing the men behind her Dawn continued, "I just hope they weren't all as bad as Angel."

The laughed behind her died and as she turned to look at everyone in the room, she realized her mistake. Looking in her sister's eyes she silently asking if she could tell them what she meant be that.

Taking a deep breath Dawn sat back down next to Connor and her sister, waiting for more questions.

"What did you mean by that Dawn?"

She looked up at Wes, who was standing in front of her. With one last glance at her sister for courage she said, "I've never heard him sing if that's what you mean. I only know he's tone def because Buffy told me." Seeing the realization draw on his face she shook her head. "No, Wes. Angel never sang to Buffy, at least not 'Mandy'."

Glancing at Lorn she added, "When Buffy was in heaven they showed her Angel's life, all of it, from birth to when she was pulled back here. So, she, and now we as she told me everything on the way here, knows who you all are and how you got her. The only big thing we didn't know about was the new bad and Connor."

"And all we do know about him is that he is Angel's son."

As that was said everyone turned to look at Buffy, who after speaking was struggling to sit up. "But I would love to know more."

Grabbing her arm to help her up and steady her Dawn asked, "Buffy? Are you better, do you need anything, how long have you been trying to get up?"

Smiling at her sister Buffy said, "a bit, no and since you started to talk about Angel's singing ability, or lack there of."

Smacking her sister Dawn glared at her, "you could of ask for help you know?"

Smirking Buffy said, "But you were having such fun trying to explain for me. Plus I didn't need help."

Her smirk soon fell as Buffy turned her attention to the rest of the room. Nodding at Wesley and smiling at Lorn, her eye's landed on Connor.

With a small smile she asked, "so, when were you born, who was you're mother, and how long has Angel known you?"

* * *

Ok all; I'm very sorry that I didn't get this out sooner. I wanted to add more to it, but decided that I would just try to write the next chapter faster this time and started with what I had at the end of this. So the next chapter will be like this one was cut in half, yet not cause I don't have enough written to post 2 chapters. If that doesn't make scenes, I'm sorry; my mind is too tired to think of many words. Bye all, Kat


	11. Authors note

I feel that I should tell you all why I haven't updated in… well months. I never meant to go this long with out adding more, but well life is busy. I have a job now, which takes up most if not all of my time, and I'm sorry to say the rest I waste. I don't write much right now, thought I am trying to start up again. Instead I've been reading… other peoples fics. And I feel so bad that I haven't written more, but I can't seem to get the chapter the way I want it. Also I've started another fic, this one will be short and Harry Potter. I want to get it done and update soon. I will give you something in February, even if it has to be something I don't like or my outline/plot page. Though I really hope I don't have to give that up, then there wont be any surprises for you all. Again I am sorry that I haven't updated, but I will try to write on my weekend, which is Wednesday and Thursday. Kat


	12. Authors note 2

READ Ok so for those of you who don't read my authors page, I decided to post this. I am not posting any more of this as is. This means that I am rewriting it. I just don't like how it's going and all that, some will still be the same but there will be changes. I am sorry to everyone who likes it as is, but don't worry it will still be up for a while. I'm not going to remove this version until I have the new one almost done. That way you still have this at least. I am really sorry for doing this to you all, I hate it when it's done to me, but I feel that my new version is much better than this. To make up somewhat I'm giving you what I had written for the next chapter of this, it's not much though. Kat

* * *

Looking between Buffy and Dawn, Connor sighed and looked at Buffy. "I was born last year, my mother was a vampire named Darla, and Angel was there when I was born." At her expressionless eye's he added, "However I was taken from him shortly after, I found my way back last year having aged faster in another dimension."

"You mentioned Quartoth, is that the other dimension? And how could one of the groups manage to take you?" Asked Buffy.

_She really is insightful about some things, how did she realize that everyone was after the boy? _Wondered Wesley.

"Yes that was the dimension I was in most of my life. And I was taken by a man named Holtz."

"How did Holtz get you though? Angel would not have let him close to you; I doubt he let anyone close to you for a day." Buffy asked curiously.

"You don't know the half of it little lady. It toke Cordy a day and an attack to get him to give him up, and that was for a trip to the hospital."

Smiling at Lorn, Buffy looked around the room again and frowned. "Where is Cordy? She wasn't here when we showed up either."


End file.
